I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
