Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
BRING THE BAGELS
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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