the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
