So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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