My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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