Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
