We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
