I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
And then my night got REAL pukey
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Dick very happy bro
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize