There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize