At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
