Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
