Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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