I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
