I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
