If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
