I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
