Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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