the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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