Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
