i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
