I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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