she was so not down for the gang bang
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
