mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my phone needs a breathalizer
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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