sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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