3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
