well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Randomize
