Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
