dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
