Your tits are I can't wait for
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
This toilet bowl is my home.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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