I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
