FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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