Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
