When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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