Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
