Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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