The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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