I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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