Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
