You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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