Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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