toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
