i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
