Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize