I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
