I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
