i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize