Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
