so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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