dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
