I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
