Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
