I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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