i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
