I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
