bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
