My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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