He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
