I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
