Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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