he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
