His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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