she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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