I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
