i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
