my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
