In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
