Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
